Tuesday, March 25, 2003Rather funny>Date: Tue, 25 Mar 2003 20:26:53 -0500>From: "Oh Shit!" >Reply-To: oh.shit@dartmouth.edu >To: oh.shit@dartmouth.edu >Subject: Resolution 1441 Oh Shit! ****************** The deadline to comply with U.N. Resolution 1441 has passed. Any Dartmouth students who happen to be dictators of applicable Third World countries should be advised that their country will be plunged into a roiling vortex of aerial bombing, land war, and occupation, but that all that will also be accompanied by a soft, palate-cleansing sorbet of humanitarian aid. A coalition of the world's foremost military powers -- including the United States, United Kingdom, Australia, Spain, Poland, Bulgaria, Latvia, Iceland and Eritrea -- will be removing dictators from power by force or, if necessary, by even more force. In other news: **Residents of French Hall are advised that their dormitory has been renamed Freedom Hall. **A prolonged international search fueled by the bloodlust of millions has failed to bring a renowned international fugitive to justice. Analysis of tapes recently released to the international media have led experts to conclude that Salman Rushdie is still alive, and indeed recording new Audiobook editions of his Satanic Verses. **With the Afghanistan reconstruction budget dwarfed by the Iraq war in the latest Congressional budget proposal, angry members of the infant Afghan government have placed their financially shafted country on eBay. **UPDATE: Residents of Freedom Hall are advised that their dormitory has been renamed You'd All Be Licking Nazi Boots If It Weren't For Us, You Commercially-Invested-In-Iraq, Anti-Semitic Effete Bastards Hall. **In recognition of the international turmoil, ORL has cancelled room draw and dealt with room assignments for next year by simply placing everybody on the waitlist. Dean Martin Redman reminds students bewildered by this decision that Dartmouth studetns are still young children, and when they grow up, they'll understand how big important adults make decisions. **The world is a scary, terrifying place. ****************** The Oh Shit! is a service brought to you by the Dartmouth Jack-O-Lantern. Anybody who wishes to be remove from this blitz list should take care of that, I guess, although we're not going to do it for you, you lazy slob. Posted by alex at 11:18 PM Comments Post a Comment (we enforce our comments policy) |
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